Year: 2015

Offering True Support

gail louise Chronic/SeriousMental_Illness, Giving and Receiving Support, On Support, Parenting , , , , , , , ,

Most of us have found ourselves, at one time or another, wanting to provide a friend or relative with a listening ear… or to be a helpful sounding board; in other words, to provide support. What is present when someone is offering true support?

True support is present when the recipient feels listened to and understood. Some emotional needs have been shared and supported together. Just listening well and empathically may help someone clarify options or sort out thoughts. If you’re unsure if the support you offer is satisfactory and your intention is genuine, I suggest asking the recipient gently: Did she feel really listened to? Did he feel a lifting, even temporarily, of a burden? If yes, you have given someone a great gift!

My experience as a support group facilitator and as a trainer of facilitators, both in giving and in receiving support from people with mental illness through an adult lifetime guide me to these recommendations (Under “On Healing” in the menu bar). I hope you find them thoughtful.

Oh So Real: Pregnancy and Suicidal Depression

gail louise Depression during Pregnancy, MajorDepression, On Support, Parenting , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Oh baby,” I said, as he/she came down the birth canal, “You are born!”. It was 1979. We didn’t know the sex of the child before birth. The birthing experience was wonderful, a balm for the difficult pregnancy caused by the onset of major depression in the fourth month of pregnancy.

I was alone.

Don’t get me wrong, my husband was with me very much during the pregnancy. But I was alone with being pregnant and being ill. I knew no other woman who was or had been pregnant and seriously depressed to talk to, to compare notes, to help me express my feelings or to hug. I hope this summary of my story of the difficult pregnancy will help other mothers who find themselves struggling with similar experiences today.

If you are pregnant and depressed, you are Not alone.

People with mental illness want to succeed as parents

gail louise Chronic/SeriousMental_Illness, MajorDepression, Parenting, Real Life; Real Challenges , ,

Parenting. I know that when my son was born, and I had serious depression, I was overwhelmed by the thought of taking care of a newborn, the rest of the family, the home, meals, …..the whole shebang. No one in my health care team thought of arranging for assistance for me or even meeting with me. My extended family assumed once the baby was born the depression would correct itself and, with the joy of the new baby, I would manage fine.

Actually the terror of my anxiety level worsened. I was sure I would do things wrong. The depression worsened.

My children are now ages 35 and 40. They are well and we are doing well with each other. I couldn’t be more blessed as a parent. In fact, now I am a Grandparent to two children, a boy and girl who are 5 and 9. Their birthdays are coming up and celebrating grandchildren’s birthdays  is an awful lot of fun!

I’ll discuss some things I would have done differently when my children were born in a second post.

Parenting, continued….

gail louise MajorDepression, On Support, Parenting, Real Life; Real Challenges , , , , , , , , , ,

Raising children, for me, while taking care of my own mental illness, was a double challenge. I was a parent before major depression, and later Bipolar Disorder II, evolved. My article on parenting (in the menus above under “Real Life, Real Challenges”) was written several years ago but this post gives me the opportunity to add to my observations.
Support should be given to them every step of the way, as needed, per individual. We love our children and want to do the best for them. Support during pregnancy check-ups; assistance at hand, if wanted, when the baby is about to be born; coordinated discharge planning when mother and baby are leaving for home; weekly in-home visits, etc.

With that in mind, here are some things I would do differently if I had the opportunity:

  • I would be less critical of family members. In fact, I think that some parenting classes can be suggested to parents with mental illness ( we’d learn the program and we’d all learn from each other) Stress techniques that would teach how to do positive reinforcement so the parent with depression/mental illness has some tools to use.
  • I would teach my children at an earlier age, in simple terms, that I had an illness and that sometimes I needed the house to be extra quiet and I had to nap because I wasn’t feeling well.
  • I/we would teach that the illness and bad feelings that I had were not the children’s fault, nor anyone’s fault.

More “First Things First” – Half the cigarettes in America

gail louise Chronic/SeriousMental_Illness, More First Things, Real Life; Real Challenges , , , ,

AODA/mental health patients smoke half the cigarettes in America. They’re dying from it. Most want to quit. Many have tried. For example: www.HelpUsQuit.org. My story is available here, on my website, and I’ll be writing more about the Center for Tobacco Research and the problems associated with smoking and mental illness shortly. . .

The facts are startling: 50% of people with persistent mental illness smoke compared to 18% of the general population; they consume 40% of all cigarettes smoked. The result is 200,000 deaths of  individuals with mental illness in the US  per year from smoking. The average lost years of life spans 20 -24 years! That is right, people with mental illness who smoke, as a group, live 20 – 24 fewer years than the general non-smoking population.  You can view this and more great information at the Center for Tobacco Research & Intervention, University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health, Madison.

Smoking: Serious and Plentiful Challenges

gail louise Chronic/SeriousMental_Illness, Real Life; Real Challenges , , , ,

As the smoking statistics imply, there are many additional challenges for people with mental illness who wish to quit. For one thing, they smoke “harder” than their counterparts (e.g., smoke more of the cigarette) and they begin smoking  earlier.  They lack of confidence about their life and about their chance of quitting.  And are more likely to make unaided quit attempts without benefit of evidence-based treatment.

The above are serious and plentiful challenges – did I mention high stress and lack of support? But there are more…..some people with mental illness receive an “unhelpful” response from their health care providers. The professional can say “it’s not in the scope of my job” (to help someone stop smoking). Few professionals identify and document smoking status,  and some say…”I don’t know how important ths is for the health of my patient”……,  Many conclude/assume their patients don’t want to quit (UW-CTRI reported on a study where 83% of smokers have tried to quit.)

In addition, some providers feel that trying to quit will harm the patient (for example, de-stabilize the person, or “now is not the time – we’ll do it later”) or don’t know how important smoking cessation is. Then there is also the belief or thought that …smoking is one of the few pleasures my patient has…. And lastl,” I don’t know how to help”, “I don’t have time” and “I don’t know how to bill for tobacco dependence treatment”.(Poor things!)

Dr Bruce Christiansen PhD, Lead Researcher at the University of Wisconsin’s Center for Tobacco Research and Intervention states “Those with significant mental illness who smoke need treatment of greater intensity than the typical smoker while currently they are getting far less, resulting in a considerable treatment gap.”

The Quit Line

gail louise Chronic/SeriousMental_Illness, On Support, Real Life; Real Challenges , , , ,

How is tobacco dependence treated? Counseling, support, and medication for starters.  How about free?: Free coaching, free materials, and, if you need it, free medication? If you’re even thinking of quitting, call:

THE QUIT LINE

Hours:  7 am to 11 pm daily

Click the link above, or call 1-800-QUIT-NOW (784-8669)

1-877-2NO-FUME (Spanish)

1-877-777-6534 (TTY)

This free service is offered by the Center for Tobacco Research & Intervention at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health. Its website is excellent. Easy to use and full of great information for the smoker or the family and friends of smokers. The main menu has sections anyone can access for Researchers, Health Care Providers, Smoker, Insurer and Employer. They have information on E-cigarettes! Topics include: What happens when you quit smoking (from 20 minutes to 15 years out), helping someone else quit, cost savings, time savings, etc.  Plus There’s a list of services to help you quit and videos with quit tips, various publications, a glossary, Quit Smoking apps, and more.

Just a great resource.