These Illnesses

Ellie

gail louise Giving and Receiving Support, These Illnesses

She was my maid-of-honor.

She was present at the birth of my son; years later she was present at his graduation from high school.

My favorite photograph of her is when she held my son at his baptism celebration; lovingly, tenderly, carefully, and as a mother would do.

I got to know her best when we were both adults, after her move to The Windy City. Ellie loved the bigness and sophistication of Chicago. It was a good fit.

We would have great long phone conversations, very fun, amusing and encouraging of one another. We planned one day to open a small restaurant together. The menu would be simple: Homemade soups, sandwiches, and salads – our favorite foods.

Several times Ellie, and her then partner, arranged for my husband and I to stay at luxurious hotels when we celebrated our wedding anniversary or visited Chicago’s Art Institute. They also hosted us at their apartment which she had beautifully and tastefully decorated. I remember her loving to add color and texture to furnishings through the use of throw pillows. I regaled in the gorgeous works of art mounted on the apartment walls.

Once she arranged an elaborate spread of food for a colleague and myself when the two of us attended a conference nearby. Ellie gave up her bed to my colleague and I that evening, while she slept on the sofa. My colleague, not easily impressed, was impressed!

Perhaps my fondest memory involves my daughter, then 16, coming to Chicago to find the right accessories for her prom dress. Ellie took us to her favorite downtown department store and helped  purchase jewelry and shoes.

Ellie was my sister. She passed away two years ago this month. I miss her and will never forget her.

 

The past few weeks have been a hard time and a difficult holiday season. Depression took firm grasp of my mind and darkly colored the days since I last wrote.

This blog today is dedicated to my deceased Great Aunt Lydia. My mother told me that Aunt Lydia was the only relative kind and gutsy enough to accompany mother to the state mental hospital in the 1950’s, visiting my father when he was committed to that facility. I’m impressed by Lydia’s support and I regret I hadn’t leaned this fact while Aunt Lydia was still living.

Love also goes out to those who helped me through these days: My husband, Children, Son-in-Law, and grandchildren, and for the encouragement and support from my brothers.

What to do, “When Mental Illness Enters the Family”

gail louise Chronic/SeriousMental_Illness, Learning to Hope, Loyd Sederer, MD, On Support, These Illnesses , , , , ,

What do we do now, now that mental illness has entered our family?  Dr. Lloyd Sederer’s video “When Mental Illness Enters the Family”  is a Godsend. In this short, 15-minute video, Dr. Sederer addresses family members of people with mental illnesses and gives them clear and doable tips on how to live harmoniously (mostly) and wisely (usually) with the ill family member. His four main steps to cope with the effects of mental illness are right on target.  I can write this because of the lived experience I have had with two members of my family of origin. One person is still living, a sibling,  and  I work to understand better how to provide this person true support and health needs in an integrated manner without sacrificing my health in the process. The recommendations in “When mental illness enters the family” are a good beginning for people starting out on that road – Helping to care for someone with mental illness – as well as a good review for experienced family members.

Dr Sederer is a psychiatrist who is the medical director of the New York State Office of Mental Health –, i.e., Chief psychiatrist for the nation’s largest state mental health organization. He was the  medical director and executive vice president of Harvard-affiliated McLean Hospital in Massachusetts. He is also the mental health editor and columnist for The Huffington Post.

I also heartily recommend readers who have a mental health condition and family members of people with a mental health problem explore NAMI’s (National Alliance on Mental Illness) website for all the valuable resources and information that are gathered there.

As I worked and volunteered for NAMI on the state and local level for many years (20) here in Wisconsin, I will post a resource article with thoughts about the NAMI website and programs soon.

Real Depression; Real Men: “Because you have to deal with it. It doesn’t just go away.”

gail louise MajorDepression, On Suicide, On Support, Real Life; Real Challenges, These Illnesses , , , , , , ,

This post’s title is taken from a video clip “Real Men, Real Depression” featuring Patrick McCathern, 1st Sergeant, US Air Force, Retired, and available here on The National Institute of Mental Health’s website.

Depression in Men often manifests itself differently. What ails men may not be recognized by them or their family or friends as depression. It may be mistaken as a sleeping problem or a digestive problem … or a character flaw. When a man has depression he has trouble with everyday life and loses interest in anything for weeks at a time.) He may be irritable, feel very tired, and lose interest in his work, family, or hobbies.

The tricky part of depression in men: They may not want to recognize, talk about, or acknowledge “it” or how they are feeling. (Please see my entry on Male Depression under These Illnesses in the menu section of my website for life experiences with my father’s depression.)

The quiet truth about depression is that it is very, very painful, and unending. And although women with depression more often attempt suicide, men are more likely to die by suicide.

HOW CAN I HELP A MAN WHO IS DEPRESSED? (Recommendations from The National Institute of Mental Health):

  • Offer him support, understanding and encouragement. Be patient.
  • Talk to him, but be sure to listen carefully.
  • Never ignore comments about suicide, and report them to his therapist or doctor.
  • Invite him out for walks, outings and other activities. If he says no, keep trying, but don’t push.
  • Encourage him to report any concerns about medications to his health care provider.
  • Ensure that he get to his doctor’s appointments.
  • Remind him that with time and treatment, the depression will lift.

MEN WITH DEPRESSION ARE AT RISK FOR SUICIDE. IF YOU, OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS IN CRISIS GET HELP QUICKLY.

Call your doctor or 911 for emergency services.

Call the toll-free, 24-hour lifeline, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)                  TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (1-800-799-4889